Sometimes you need a break, to regroup, get yourself together, whatever you want to call it. You drop responsibilities you carried because you are exhausted and just need time to take care of yourself, figure things out. We all go have seasons where we back off, lighten our load because so many things are happening and it’s just not possible anymore to keep up and be any good at what you do when you are tired.
That’s where I was.
In the course of two years, I got engaged, moved from Florida to Texas with my fiance now husband, changed careers, got married, pregnant, and then moved into a new home. ALL. IN. TWO. YEARS. Let me be honest, I am a woman who takes her time with change. Meaning, I plan it out as much as possible because I benefit from order. So this… started out as exciting, fast paced, then became draining, depressing, and in the end, simply too much to keep up with.With all of the changes, the most important thing was getting lost, me. In a new city, I had to start over, lost my comfort zone, and stopped doing the things that gave me joy. My blog writing? Gone. Singing and auditioning? Gone. With these new roles of wife, then mom, I wanted to find me again, before I lost anymore of myself and it was too late.
I worked with a life and career coach, who encouraged me to start writing again, even if only in my journal. I thought start writing again? The fear paralyzed me gripped me. Who would read about what I’ve been through since I made so many changes? Would my story even resonate with anyone? Do I even want to be vulnerable about life in this way because while it’s good, some of it’s bad and I’m still trying to find my place as a wife, a mom when I was used to being defined by what I did for a living than who I am now. It’s been a journey, and I resisted for a bit, but I took the bait and wrote honestly in my journal about how so much had changed and life seemed easier when I was in the past. I’m a quote girl and I found the perfect one to sum up just where I am now.
“Your mind is a beautiful tool, but when it dwells on the past it keeps you from enjoying the present.”
I admit it, with so many changes in two years, I couldn’t keep up. Who wouldn’t long for the past when it was so simple, felt so easy, and came with less change?Life wasn’t easier then, I was simply more used to the problems so it didn’t feel so discomforting at times.
Thankfully, I am writing again if for no other reason than I know I’m not the only one who had to adjust to becoming a wife. I know I’m not the only one trying to figure out how to be a good mom when I have no idea what that really means other than loving on my baby boy and googling things like….”
baby doesn’t wave yet” and “how to stop constipation”. These things, are now my llfe. Nothing like performing on stage and doing cover sessions in a studio but this….it’s my new normal. I talked to friends who are wives and moms and realized, this thing about taking on roles can sometimes feel like you lose a bit of yourself. So, I took their advice, took my time, and gradually, am becoming me again. I can’t go back and recapture the past, but I can continue to devote time to things that matter only to me. I auditioned for a play recently, and was cast in the show. I’m writing again, a little nervous about where I am, but never the less going to be transparent anyway. Most importantly, I’m discovering a new aspect of my faith, which changes when you marry, become a mom, and realize you are no longer in this thing alone and now double help in covering your family and dreams.
After feeling lost, and overwhelmed, I am starting again. What about you? Any changes in life require you regroup and live in the present instead of holding on to what used to be?
Until next time……